Friday Fights #25: Mr. Fantastic vs. Namor

This is a perfect post-Valentine’s Day Friday Fights! Even though Invisible Woman’s marriage to Mr. Fantastic is regarded as one of the best marriages/pairings in comics, the relationship is perpetually threatened by an obsessive Namor. So if these two men fought for her hand, who would come out the victor?

There are a few things to consider about this epic battle. Namor has a lot of advantages. He’s much stronger than Reed and can fly. Not to mention, the closer he gets to water the more powerful he becomes. Namor can also be a little bit of a psychopath at times, so you would only assume he could be a little more, um, violent with Reed for standing between him and the woman he obsesses.

Reed’s power of unbelievable elasticity kind of pales in comparison. But then again, that’s usually the case. He usually relies on a myriad of gadgets and inventions created just in case he finds himself in situations like this, not to mention that he usually has his three closest friends with him at all times. So without either, it really gives the advantage to Namor.

But there is one thing missing from this hypothetical battle: Sue. It’s pretty clear that she’s madly in love with Reed. In about forty years of comics, no writer has been able to figure out a way for Namor to split them up. So whether she interferes on her hubby’s behalf (or even pleas for Namor to stop), it is a given that Reed is leaving with Sue. And at the end of the day, that’s what is most important. WINNER:  Mr. Fantastic

Friday Fights #24: Cable vs. Deathstroke the Terminator

We’re back after a break do an extreme case of being too busy. We have a battle of Cable vs. Satellite Deathstroke the Terminator! What would happen if these two bad-ass silver foxes did battle? These two might be a little more similar than you may think.

The first thing that comes to mind with Deathstroke and Cable is how similar the two of them are. First, their appearances come to mind. Both are white-haired. They both also happen to be missing an eye, but both manage to overcome that by being amazing supers. They’re master tacticians  And I’m sure that there is no weapon they haven’t been trained to operate, and probably have faced every kind of hand-to-hand combat imaginable.

On the weaponry end of things, I would have to give Cable being that he is from the future. He has access to blaster weaponry that Deathstroke can’t even imagine. That said, I would have to say that Deathstroke is a much more disciplined fighter, being that he is the best assassin/black ops type in the DC universe.

So what it comes down to is their powers. Cable does have some telepathic and telekinetic abilities, but for the most part he uses them to keep the techno-organic virus that plagues his body in check. Deathstroke has enhanced reflexes and physical strength. But it’s not his brawn that tips the scales in his favor.

Deathstroke is able to operate using 90% of his brain power, allowing him to think steps ahead of everyone around him. And at the end of the day, that’s all he needs to terminate Cable. WINNER: Deathstroke

Friday Fights #23: Vibe vs. Dazzler

It’s said that there is no such thing as a bad character in comic books; just extremely ill conceived or poorly written ones. This week we feature two combatants who stumbled out of the gate to become cult favorites: Vibe and the Dazzler.

DATED ORIGINS: Both of these characters are extremely dated in their origins. Vibe’s story comes across like the downfall of a member of Manudo; he’s a former break dancer turned gang member turned super hero. Dazzler is a former disco singer whose career is derailed once the public finds out she is a mutant and becomes an adventurer. ADVANTAGE: Neither.

THEY CAN TURN SOUND INTO THINGS: Vibe and Dazzler almost have the same super powers. They can turn sound into seismic and light energy respectively. Dazzler seems to be able to take her powers much further though, being able to successfully take on higher level cosmic villains like Dr. Doom, Terrax and even Galactus. ADVANTAGE: Dazzler.

KING OF THE STREETS: Vibe doesn’t really have much in the line of combat skills. In addition to her music career, Dazzler is an accomplished athlete. She’s also received extensive combat training during her time as an X-Men. I’m sure Vibe’s partners in the Detroit era of the Justice League (one of the lamest groups ever) really couldn’t offer something comparable. ADVANTAGE: Dazzler.

WINNER: Dazzler walks away with this one over poor Vibe. She is a much more established character, having been expanded so much over the years to be more than just a disco joke. Vibe has a chance to evolve and become a better character. Hopefully the new series written by Andrew Kreisberg can breathe some new life into the character.

 

Friday Fights # 22: Nick Fury vs. Cobra Commander

After taking most of the week off to feeling ill, it’s time for Friday Fights! One of the things I wondered about during my “lay on the couch because I have a cold” time, I wondered who would win in a fight:  Nick Fury or Cobra Commander.

The obvious answer is Fury, since he’s a veteran of pretty much everything, thanks to him not aging. He has enhances physical capabilities as well as has received every sort of combat, military strategy and espionage training known to man. Fury is also adept at all kinds of weaponry.

So that said, what chance does Cobra Commander have?

Whether its the cartoons or comics, the Commander is always shown to be a bit of a wimp. He doesn’t like to get his hands dirty and usually relies on the help of his subordinates when in a fight. So needless to say, chances are this isn’t going to be a fair fight.

Cobra Commander also isn’t the best trained hand to hand combatant  again he usually has someone else around to fight on his behalf. He is a master of escape.That said, I think Cobra Commander would narrowly escape Nick Fury. He would be in one of the Cobra “Trouble Bubbles” en route to his next safe house before Fury knew it.

So I’ll give this one a tie. Fury will always win the fight, but Cobra Commander will always escape.

Friday Fights #20: Doctor Octopus vs. the Octopus

 

With all the talk about Doctor Octopus the last few weeks (seriously, when was the last time he was this relevant?), this week he gets his chance to be part of our Friday Fights by  taking on probably the only other octopus themed villain in the comic book world:  the Octopus.

We know pretty  much everything there is about the Doctor; he’s a genius who relies on his eight mechanical appendages to cause mayhem and wreak havoc on everyone who opposes him and his schemes.

The Octopus is a lot more mysterious a villain. In Will Eisner’s old The Spirit , he would terrorize people from the shadows, always hidden from everyone’s view, whether you were a character in the story or you as the person reading. He’s a master of causing mayhem out of everyone’s sight.

So who would win this battle?

Doctor Octopus has a history of messing everything up whereas Octopus is pretty bad ass. Plus his role was played by Samuel L. Jackson in the Spirit movie a few years. WINNER: Octopus. He would lure the Doctor into the shadows for a quick knock out.

Friday Fights #19: Flash vs. Quicksilver

Could Quicksilver beat the Flash? In the 1996 crossover, the scarlet speeder was able to very quickly (no pun intended) dispatch Magneto’s son in a hurry (pun intended). But was that what would really happen if these two were to get into a fight?

Let’s look at their top speeds. Flash can travel at the speed of light; Quicksilver can only break the speed of sound. This gives the Flash the advantage, as he’s still quicker than his opponent, without going full tilt. And being one step ahead of Quicksilver is certainly an advantage and probably the deciding factor if these two were to be in combat.

But if the two of them were in an even fight, with Quicksilver not being able to use his mutant power and the Flash  not being able to tap into the Speed Force, things would be a little different. Flash seemingly doesn’t have any significant hand-to-hand combat training, and I’m sure that Quicksilver has, being part of all the black ops teams he’s been a part of over the year.

So we’ll say it this way:  in a race and the open world, the Flash. In a boxing ring, Quicksilver.

 

Friday Fights #18: Wolverine vs. Bobba Fett

It’s time for this week’s Friday Fight:  the man who is the best at what he does goes up against the best bounty hunter in the galaxy! It’s time for Wolverine to take on Bobba Fett.

When it comes to hand-to-hand combat the two of them are pretty much equal. They were both trained to be killing machines, Wolverine through the Weapon X program and Bobba Fett was raised to be the perfect bounty hunter.

Part of being the best bounty hunter means that you are armed for everything. And I’m sure that Bobba Fett is. From the Mandalorian body armor that covers from head to toe, to the never-ending supply of blaster weapons, he has it all. And he’s going to need to use them a lot to slow down Wolverine. The mutant does have his admantium claws, so it’s definitely a good thing he is wearing armor.

But what protects Wolverine so much–literally–is his healing factor. Combine the fact that you can’t really hurt him, with his heightened senses and agility you can’t hit him. The only way that Bobba Fett can win this is by using his spaceship Slave I’s weaponry to fire at Wolverine, but that’s not too practical a way to fight.

So how would this end? Poor Bobba Fett would be looking for Wolverine, only to hear a “SNIKT!” and before he knows it, would be inflicted with a massive stab wound to the mid section. That would be followed by Wolvie lighting a cigar with one of Bobba’s blasters.

 

 

 

Friday Fights #17: Marth vs. Martha Kent

With today’s events, today seemed like the perfect day to do a more lighthearted Friday Fights. Today we are going to take a look at two of the best mothers (or motherly figures) in comic books: I’m talking about Spider-Man’s aunt May Parker and Superman’s mom Martha Kent. Who wins this battle to be the mother superior?

Aunt May is such an important part in Peter Parker’s world. She’s unwavering in her support and love of her nephew and would do anything in the world for him (as well as his girlfriend/wife/whatever Mary Jane is considered in this continuity). There’s a great issue during the J. Michael Straczynski/John Romita Jr. run on Amazing Spider-Man where she finally finds out that her nephew is a super hero. She takes supporting Peter to a whole other level, taking it upon herself to argue with internet comment posters who aren’t in support of Spider-Man. She really loves Peter and it shows.

However, if there is one thing against May, it would be that she always seems to cause some sort of huge distraction for Peter, like when the fact that she is a frail, elderly woman seems to be a common distraction in many Spider-Man comics. Aside from Uncle Ben, she also doesn’t have the best taste in men. Remember, at one point she wound up being married to the villainous Doctor Octopus, and certainly made things awkward by marrying J. Jonah Jameson’s father and making many awkward family get-togethers for Triple J and Peter. 

Marha is an awesome mother. She took in an alien baby, raised it as her own and he goes on to be the most important/powerful man in the universe. Living far away from Superman, she rarely gets too involved in his life, although she’s always willing to lend an ear to talk about things ranging from relationship problems to career goals to even how to stop the Parasite. Plus, she puts up with all the wacky things that Clark gets into like providing housing for his Kryptonian family members like Superboy and Supergirl from time to time.

The only thing that you can knock Martha for is that she’s too perfect. She’s like the Martha Stewart of super hero mothers; she does everything right and nothing bothers her.

So who is the winner in this battle of matronly awesomeness?

The winners are Peter and Clark, as these women have shaped them into kind, responsible adults. Go moms!

Friday Fights #16: Gandalf vs. Magneto

This week’s Friday Fights was inspired by an episode of The Colbert Report. Ian McKellen was a guess this week, and Stephen Colbert asked him a question designed to drive fanboys and fangirls into heated debate: who would win in a fight…Gandalf or Magneto. McKellen’s answer was that the wizard would be left standing tall. But would that happen?

Let’s look at their similarities. Neither of them are known for their physical abilities or fighting prowess. Instead, the two rely on their otherworldly powers. Gandalf is a master wizard, and in Magneto’s case, he was born with the mutant power to control magnetism. This fight would be won and lost on the battle of wizardry and magnetism.

Magneto has battled many a wizard n his day, but Gandalf never encountered something like Magneto. Not to mention, the evil mutant is a lot more sinister in what he would do in a fight.

WINNER: Magneto. He would use his magnetism powers to extract the iron in Gandalf’s blood, making it go night-night for the white wizard.

Friday Fights #15: B.A. Baracus vs. Sgt. Slaughter

 

It’s time for two of the toughest men from the 1980s–in comics, cartoons, toys and even professional wrestling–to tussle. We’re talking about the A Team’s B.A. Baracus taking on Sgt. Slaughter!

(For clarity sake, we’re just talking about the characters from the A Team and GI Joe)

SIZE MATTERS:  Baracus would literally be looking up at Slaughter; exactly eight inches. His height of 5′ 10″ is dwarfed by the drill sergeant’s 6′ 6″. Slaughter is also the beefier of the two men, weighing in at 286 pounds, about sixty more than Baracus. ADVANTAGE: Slaughter

DECORATED SOLDIERS: Slaughter’s military service is well-known. He would have to be extremely well-trained to have been given the task of being the head instructor/trainer of the United States’ best special operations group. Baracus has a similar military pedigree, having been a well decorated sergeant himself in the United States’ Special Forces before becoming a fugitive. ADVANTAGE: Tie.

WEAPONS: Obviously, the two of them are adept at physical hand-to-hand combat. But what separates them is that in the A Team, Baracus has pretty much used every type of military weapon–handguns, artillery, tanks, mortars, explosives, you name it. Granted, it’s all dependent on what’s available to be used, but pretty much anything is a weapon in Baracus’ hands. ADVANTAGE: Baracus

SO WHO WINS?: You can not take Slaughter’s size and strength advantage into consideration. But you do have to realize how cagey a fighter his opponent is. Baracus would use whatever he could use to smack Slaughter around, whether it’s a vacuum cleaner, a fire extinguisher or even his beloved van. That said, I pity the fool who doesn’t take B.A. seriously. WINNER: B.A. Baracus by a slight advantage

(Black) Friday Fights #15: Black Bolt vs. Black Adam

Happy day after Thanksgiving! For you non-American readers, the day after our Thanksgiving holiday is called Black Friday; it’s a big shopping holiday to start the Christmas season. So what better way to have Black Friday’s Friday Frights feature two dark-clothed kings: Black Bolt and Black Adam.

In the Marvel Universe, Black Bolt is the head of the royal family that governs the Inhumans, a branch of mankind that evolved to have extra-normal powers like the mutants. Black Adam gets his power from magic, similar to Captain Marvel, and is the self-appointed ruler/protector of the small Middle Eastern nation of Khandaq.

On paper, Black Adam is much more powerful than his inhuman opponent. Adam is ridiculously strong, fast, can fly, pretty much indestructible. He is pretty much a Superman level opponent. Not only that, but he does have some magical abilities that are never clearly explained.

Black Bolt is no slouch either, but he can’t physically match up with Black Adam. He does have the ability to manipulate energy into anything from concussive blasts to creating force fields. There is also a reason he never (well rarely) speaks; his vocal chords produce a super-sonic effect, destroying everything around him. And with this power being so uncontrollable, he’s extremely hesitant to use it.

But when in combat with someone as powerful as Black Adam, he might not be as hesitant to bust it out. WINNER: Black Bolt, with a last-minute scream.

 

 

Friday Fights #14: Bizarro vs. Faker

There’s only one more He-Man/DC battle that I can think of right now; I’m talking about Bizarro fighting Faker. These two have a bunch in common, with them both being evil versions of beloved super heroes.

Bizarro is the opposite version of Superman from an alternate reality where everything is backwards, having the same powers and abilities as Superman. Faker was created by Skeletor to be a duplicate of He-Man. So would this be a repeat of the He-Man/Superman battle?

Well there are a few differences between the two. Bizarro is as smart as a box of rocks. He’s really, really dumb. Faker isn’t as powerful as Superman, but nothing to sneeze at.

So who would win in a fight?

I think I would give Faker the nod, only because he’s not a moron like his opponent. WINNER: Faker. It’s not that difficult to outsmart Bizarro, and that is how he would win the battle of the counterfeits.

 

Friday Fights #13: He-Man vs. Captain Marvel

Last week we had Superman and He-Man tussle, this week it is He-Man squaring off against Superman’s biggest competitor during the 1940s and 1950s, Captain Marvel. This might be a close battle because the two of them have more in common with each other than you would imagine.

Even though the two of them run around as some of the most powerful people in their respective universes, their true form is a teenager. Prince Adam and Billy Batson both have a catchphrase–“I have the power” and “Shazam!” respectively–which they utter, turning them into demigod like beings. Both Cap and He-Man are near indestructible and super-strong  They both even have talking tiger sidekicks. Everyone knows about Battle Cat, but did you know that Captain Marvel has Tawny, an anthropomorphic tiger.

The only difference between the two is that Captain Marvel can fly and might be a little faster, and He-Man has the Power Sword. But other than that, it’s pretty much even.

So who would win.

Captain Marvel, as he has one trick up his sleeve. He says “shazam”, and in a flurry of lightning changes from the Captain to Billy. So basically all Captain Marvel has to do is lure He-Man close by and keep saying “shazam” to electrocute him. Then when He-Man is incapacitated, back to Captain Marvel and it’s over. WINNER: Captain Marvel

Friday Fights #12: Superman vs. He-Man

And we’re thankfully back after Hurricane Superstorm Sandy! More on that later, but tonight’s battle pits two of the strongest beings ever in fandom: Superman and He-Man. The two of them are pretty much the strongest things in their respective universes, so they cancel each other in the battle of strength. Let’s take a look at the rest of the tail of the tape.

WEAPONS:  Superman doesn’t carry weapons. So in that regards, He-Man wins by default. Not only does he always carry that wicked battle-axe and shield, but there’s that pesky Power Sword to deal with. It can deflect energy attacks, is broad enough to swing it like a club and cut through things, cause, you know it’s a sword. Advantage: He-Man

SUPER POWERS:  Superman wins this one hands down. He can fly, enhanced sight and hearing, heat vision and cold breath, and that whole trick everyone with a simple disguise. But He-Man from the original cartoons might be a better disguise artist; all it took was wearing clothes to convince people that he and Prince Adam were two separate people. Advantage: He-Man.

So who would win? This is a pretty evenly matched tussle. I would have to go with Superman, as he’s got way too many tricks in his super powered toolbox to use on the Prince of Power. However, if He-Man can sick Battle Cat on the Kryptonian, that might be enough of a lead in for Superman to get beaten. WINNER:  It’s a draw.

Friday Fights #11: Galactus vs. Unicron

 It’s Friday and you know what that means! It’s time for Friday Fights! This week’s battle features the two best known world eating demigods in geek culture; I’m talking about Galactus and Unicron! So what would happen if these two behemoths battled?

SIZE MATTERS: These two are both roughly the size of the planet Earth. It’s kind of hard to put a finger on actually how large they are and can be thanks to both of them being able to increase and decrease their size at will. Neither are beings of flesh and blood. What does matter is what makes them up. Although both of them were created roughly at the beginning of time as cosmic entities, Unicron seems to have a disadvantage being more constructed mechanically. That said, it seems that physical attacks can take more of a toll on Unicron. ADVANTAGE: Galactus

FEEDING TIME: Both of these guys exist to consume planets in order to sustain their existence. Galactus uses his enormous spaceship the Taa II to assist him in devouring planets. Unicron shape shifts into a planet that, well, eats other planets. ADVANTAGE: Unicron. He would just attempt to devour Galactus headfirst, absorbing his energy.

HERALD SQUARE: Galactus has a bunch of various heralds usually on his good side, including Terrax, Nova and Firelord. Unicron has his own posse of Decepticons like Galactus and the various scourges. ADVANTAGE: Neither.

TINY THREATS: Even though these two are both godlike, they can both be defeated by something tiny. Respectively, Galactus and Unicron can be stopped by using (or even threatening use of) the Ultimate Nullifier and the Matrix. ADVANTAGE: Unicron. I don’t see Galactus getting his hands on the Matrix, but I can see Unicron using his mech powers to create a knock off Ultimate Nullifier that would cause some damage to Galactus.

THE WINNER:  Unicron. Literally, he’s a destruction machine. Galactus is no match for his onslaught, and Unicron would absorb his power, keeping him not hungry and planets around the galaxy safe from being devoured for many years.

Friday Fights #10: Red Tornado vs. the Vision

 

This week it’s time for a battle of two super powered, super awkward emotional androids; I’m talking about the Red Tornado and the Vision. What happens when these two crimson skinned cybernetic beings do battle?

From a power and ability perspective, these two are evenly matched. Red Tornado is super strong and able to create vortexes worse than anything a naturally occurring tornado could produce. That is negated by the Vision’s ability to adjust his body mass index on the fly; either making himself immovably dense or light enough to not sustain any damage.

Both are also pretty unstoppable; Red Tornado can rebuild himself with nanotech on the fly and Vision continually gets re-powered from his Solar Jewel, drawing energy from the sun. They both even have the brainwaves/memories of someone else at the core of their personality.

So who would win this fight?

I think I’m going to go with Red Tornado on this one. His elemental powers give him the slight edge over Vision.

Friday Fights #9: Bane vs. Captain America

This week we have two of the bigger stars of the comic book movies of this past summer in a battle for supremacy; can Captain America fight Bane.

The answer is a resounding yes. Bane may be super strong due to his Venom, but Cap has fought stronger. If he can deal with a rampaging Hulk, than Bane is cake. Not to mention, that Captain America is a way better fighter on his feet.

WINNER: Captain America

And I would go as far to say that Captain America would have never been defeated by Bane during the Knightfall story line. Obviously, Batman could defeat Bane. The villain’s only chance to win was his master plan of distracting him to exploit his vulnerability: Batman’s pride.

Batman didn’t ask for help and almost lost his life–and the city as a result. But Captain America is everyone’s favorite super hero for a reason and would have decided to call in favors for the betterment of everyone.

 

Friday Fights #8: Juggernaut vs. Superman

A couple of years back, Kanye West re-popularized the phrase “no one man should have all that power” from Spike Lee’s Malcom X film. This week’s battle features two extremely powerful combatants: Superman and the Juggernaut.

As amazingly strong and indestructible as Superman is, Juggernaut is more powerful. Juggernaut can level mountains and throw skyscrapers around; Superman cannot.

And don’t forget that nothing stops the Juggernaut. Remember…he’s the Juggernaut, bitch

Superman does have a few tricks up his sleeve cape.

He can fly, he’s fast. Not to mention, he has heat vision and can freeze things with his breath. Those can only help him hold back or distract Juggernaut.

I imagine this fight would be very similar to the whole “Death of Superman” battle with Doomsday, where Superman fought and fought and fought until both he and the monster were completely incapacitated. WINNER: It will wind up a draw and everything around them will be destroyed. So I would say the real winner would be the clean up crews, as they have guaranteed work for months.

Friday Fights #7: Rorschach vs. the Question

This week’s Friday Fights combatants are almost splitting images of each other. What would happen when the Watchmen’s resident psychotic loner meets up with DC/Charlton’s favorite conspiracy theorist the Question?

If you are wondering why these characters are so similar, it’s because Rorschach is based on Steve Ditko’s the Question from back in the Charlton Comics days. In 1983, DC Comics wound up purchasing the smaller publisher. Alan Moore’s original pitch for what would become Watchmen was a story set in the Charlton universe, but DC had other plans. And that was to integrate the characters into the DC Universe after Crisis on Infinite Earths. Moore kept the same storyline/theme, and the characters became analogues of their Charlton counterparts.

These two blank faced heroes have an extremely similar tale-of-the-tape. Neither is a trained fighter; they’ve picked up a lot of on the job training. The both of them aren’t what you would consider a superb athlete, but both would buy into the “cross fit” phase. They don’t have too much in the line of weaponry; just what they’ve been given by allies over the years. They even have similar day-jobs; Rorschach is a private investigator and the Question is an investigative reporter.

WINNER: Rorschach. The masked man from the Watchmen would win this battle, as he’s much more of a sociopath than the Question. He’s a lot crazier, and willing to use whatever he can get his hands on . But if he ever encountered Ditko’s even more intense version of the Question, the super extreme Mr. A it would be a world of hurt…

Friday Fights #6: Blastaar vs. Mon*Star

This week we look at two alien super villains who both have shaggy, lion like appearances and have names that end in a harsh “rrrrrrrrrrrrrr” sound: the Fantastic Four’s Negative Zone dwelling enemy Blastaar is up against the Silverhawks’ super-rich mob boss villain Mon*Star. So who would win in a battle?

PHYSICAL: Simply put, Blastaar is a beast. He’s a lot like the Juggernaut in the sense that he’s super-strong and nearly indestructible. Environmental factors like lack of air, food, bad weather…none of these bother him. Oh, and don’t forget the fact that he can fire energy blasts from his hands. Mon*Star pretty much looks like he is no different from your typical Thunderan. That’s a Thundercat, if you are wondering. ADVANTAGE: Blastaar

WEAPONRY: What Mon*Star lacks in God-given physical abilities, he certainly makes up in being armed to the teeth. After giving his ‘oath of evil’ he gets an awesome full body armor, kind of like what Jaime Reyes gets from the Blue Beetle scarab. This protects him from not only the elements and outer space, but all kinds of attacks as well. It also gives him energy blasting capabilities, even a wicked optic blast. And that’s not all. Mon*Star also carries a battle staff called the Fire Iron, has a trained attack cyborg bat and flies around the galaxy on a giant space squid. ADVANTAGE: Mon*Star

So if these two villains are fairly equally matched, who wins? Mon*Star, as he has one thing that Blastaar doesn’t:  the respect of criminals everywhere. Unlike all of the other eighties cartoon villains, Mon*Star’s flunkies and associates actually respect him and would come to his aid. If you mess with Mon*Star, you mess with his whole syndicate. WINNER: Mon*Star.